The narration goes back and forth between them, Georgie telling her side, Vektal telling his side. Vektal and Georgie try and communicate, and that’s some of the fun of the book, their learning to understand each other. He goes down on Georgie almost immediately after they meet. Horns on his head AND enthusiastic about getting it on. Georgie leaves the shipping container because reasons, and she encounters our hero, Vektal. The humans are scared, injured, low on supplies, and they’re basically in a space shipping container, stuck on a planet Georgie describes as “Not-Hoth.” Sort of like throwing a bag of shrooms out the window when you’re getting pulled over on the highway. Best I can figure (I use this phrase a lot with romance novels), it sounds like maybe some kind of Space Cop was pulling over the alien spaceship, so the aliens dumped their cargo somewhere they could retrieve it later. THEN, the kidnapping aliens dump their human cargo. Georgie, along with about a dozen other women, are held on a spaceship, and best they can figure they’re meant to be breeding stock for their alien kidnappers. Nope! I counted, and 215 words into the book, we’re in space. You might be thinking that I’ve skipped a lot of backstory and character building, probably our hapless heroine spilling coffee on herself at her high-powered magazine job. Georgie is having an average night until she's abducted by aliens. I recommend people spend time thinking about Sandra Bullock in general, it just makes for a nice couple moments, but in this case it's actually useful. Oh, and conveniently, that’s what Georgie looks like. One brave reader-me-decided to investigate and find out whether the book really is a rock solid banger or a flaccid slab of blah. And BookTok has taken note, dusting the frost off this bad boy 7 years after it was originally published.

Alien abductions, blue man sex, wormlike parasites, spaceships, Star Wars references, sassy heroines, oral sex puns– Ice Planet Barbarians is…a lot.

Ice barbarians book